


the electronics of your heart (see how fast they fall apart)

by skyguyandsnips



Series: Shades of Black and White [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 11:29:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1303282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyguyandsnips/pseuds/skyguyandsnips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quick drabble poking around in Ahsoka Tano's head about what is, what was, and what could have been. Set in late Season 5, but pre-finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the electronics of your heart (see how fast they fall apart)

This is Ahsoka Tano:

An artist with her lightsabers, be she leaving battle droids smoldering piles of debris or crossing blades with her Master for the simple fun of it. Quick on her feet and with her words. Someone who would rather sleep in, but knows she has a war to win. A brilliant tactician. A daring pilot. A Jedi first, and every- and anything else—female, humanoid, apprentice, friend, foe, mother to her men and Katooni and Petro and Byph and Zatt and all the others, definitely someone’s daughter, perhaps someone’s sister—second.

Ahsoka is all of these things. And sometimes, not a single one.

Sometimes, she declines Anakin’s sparring invitations—because last week on a supply run he  _trusted_  her to oversee, she ran into Grievous and it left her with a scar up her right side. One Anakin doesn’t know about, as she dug her nails into Kix’s hand and made him promise not to breathe a word of it to anyone.

Sometimes, late at night in her room on the  _Resolute_  when she’s between awake and asleep and time means nothing, she wonders. Wonders who and what and where she would be without the Jedi. If she’d be happy—not that she isn’t here—how she’d feel about the war, if she’d have someone she’d let kiss her and if she would kiss them back. (Lux is a Republic senator now and resides in the Senate District, not ten minutes from the Temple. But something in Ahsoka died after Onderon and for whatever reason, she doesn’t want that—not anymore—and in the back of her mind she constantly, silently begs for Steela’s forgiveness.)

Sometimes, after seeing someone her age with their parents, laughing and grinning, she asks the Force who hers are. She asks if they had another child and have tucked her away in the archives of their minds, or if they see her on the holonet fighting for the Light and sob tears of pride and worry. (Never mind she forgot their faces and voices a decade ago, and only has a memory from when she was three of her hand in Master Plo’s as the Force exploded with sadness that was not her own.)

Sometimes, all she wants to know is if she’ll survive the Clone War. And that if she does, will she be able to live with all she has done and will do in the process.

The Force doesn’t answer any of her questions. It never does. And Ahsoka wonders why she even cares.

**_end_ **


End file.
